1 girl ask 2 pappu : who kia hai Jo cow k paas 4 or mere paas 2 hain?
Pappu : legs
Girl : who kia hai Jo tumhari pant main hai aur meri pant mein nahi hai?
Pappu: paisay
Girl : who kia hai Jo log din main karne k bajaye ko raat bistar pe kartay hain
Pappu: neend puri karte hain
Girl : who kia hai Jo larki pehli Baar karwate huye pain ki wajah se roti hai?
Pappu : kaan main ched
Read More!
The wife was very unhappy with her car and complained a lot to her husband:
Knowing her birthday was coming up shortly, she said to her husband...
'Buy me a surprise for my birthday!' she said.
'Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!'
Happy and excited she was counting down the days to her birthday.
And on the day she finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully bought....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Scroll Down……
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A Weight Machine
.
.
The poor guy is dead today, and his wife's in jail for murder !
On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the station.
At once I was held back to see someone in that position during midnight with no one around.
With curiosity taking the front seat, I went near the body and tried to investigate it.
There was blood all over the body which was lying face down.
It seemed that a ruthless blow by the last train could have caused the end of this body which seemed to be that of a guy of around my age.
Amidst the gory blood flow, I could see a folded white envelope which was fluttering in the midnight wind. Carefully I took the blood stained envelope and was surprised to see the phrase "appraisal letter" on it.
With curiosity rising every moment, I wasted no time in opening the envelope to see if I can find some details about the dead guy. The tag around the body's neck and the jazzy appraisal cover gave me the hint that he might be a software engineer.
I opened the envelope to find a shining paper on which the appraisal details where typed in flying colors.
Thunders broke into my ears and lightening struck my heart when I saw the appraisal amount of the dead guy!!!!!
My God, it was not even, as much as the cost of the letter on which the appraisal details were printed.... My heart poured out for the guy and huge calls were heard inside my mind saying "no wonder, this guy died such a miserable death"...
As a fellow worker in the same industry, I thought I should mourn for him for the sake of respect and stood there with a heavy heart thinking of the shock that he would have experienced when his manager had placed the appraisal letter in his hand.
I am sure his heart would have stopped and eyes would have gone blank for few seconds looking at the near to nothing increment in his salary.
While I mourned for him, for a second my hands froze to see the employee's name in the appraisal letter... Hey, what a strange co-incidence, this guy's name is same as mine, including the initials.
This was interesting. With some mental strength, I turned the body upside down and found myself fainted for a second.
The guy not only had my name, but also looked exactly like me. Same looks, same built, same name.... It was me who was dead there!!!!!!!! While I was lost in that shock, I felt someone patting on my shoulders. My heart stopped completely, I could not breathe and sprung in fear to see who was behind......... Splash!!!
Went the glass of water on my laptop screen as I came out of my wild dream to see my manager standing behind my chair patting on my shoulder saying, "wake up man? Come to meeting room number two. I have your appraisal letter ready".
Copy this onto notepad, press cntrl + H, press 6 in the find box and underscore (_) in replace box and click replace all button. Try this…
666666666666666666666666666666
666996666699669966999999996699
666996666699669966999999996699
666996666699669966996666666699
666996696699669966999999996699
666996999699669966999999996699
666999969999669966666666996699
666999666999669966999999996699
666996666699669966999999996699
666666666666666666666666666666
666666666666666666666666666666
666666666666666666666666666666
669966666996666666669666666666
669966666996666666699966666666
669966666996666666996996666666
669999999996666669966699666666
669999999996666699999999966666
669966666996666999999999996666
669966666996669966666666699666
669966666996699666666666669966
666666666666666666666666666666
666666666666666666666666666666
666666666666666666666666666666
666996666669966999999996666666
666699666699666999999996666666
666669966996666996666666666666
666666999966666999999996666669
666666699666666999999996666699
666666699666666996666666666999
666666699666666999999996669966
666666699666666999999996699666
666666666666666666666666666666
Seriously hottest kisses
Nice Kiss is on Head.
Sweet Kiss is on Cheeks.
Passionate Kiss is on Lips.
Romantic Kiss is on Neck
And
Seriously Hottest Kiss is on “IRON”
Friends I am collecting Gandhi’s photos.
Please give your contribution to my collection.
A small condition is, It must be on
100, 500 or 1000 rupees note only.
Human brain is the most
Outstanding object in world.
It functions 24 hours a day,
365 days a year.
It functions right from the time we are born,
And stop only when we enter the examination hall.
Think Well Work Well
Eat Well Sleep Well Play Well
And also put ur Mobile inside the same well
Because you r not messageing me... Well
Mujhe raat bhar ye baat sone nahi deti
Zindagi 4 din ki ha to,
Test Match 5 din ka kyun.
Read More!
The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town.
After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.
The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said,
'Thisis amazing. How do you do it at your age?'
The old man grinned and said, 'You got to keep the old motor running.'
The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child.
The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman.
She said, 'Sir, you are something! How do you manage it?'
The old man grinned and said, 'You gotta keep the old motor running.'
A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child.
The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after the delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said, 'Well, you surely are something awesome! How do you do it?'
The old man replied, 'It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running.'
The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said: Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one is black!'
Read More!
Easy is to get a place is someone's address book.
Difficult is to get a place in someone's heart.
Easy is to judge the mistakes of others
Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes
Easy is to talk without thinking
Difficult is to refrain the tongue
Easy is to hurt someone who loves us.
Difficult is to heal the wound...
Easy is to forgive others
Difficult is to ask for forgiveness
Easy is to set rules.
Difficult is to follow them...
Easy is to dream every night.
Difficult is to fight for a dream...
Easy is to show victory.
Difficult is to assume defeat with dignity...
Easy is to admire a full moon.
Difficult to see the other side...
Easy is to stumble with a stone.
Difficult is to get up...
Easy is to enjoy life every day.
Difficult to give its real value...
Easy is to promise something to someone.
Difficult is to fulfill that promise...
Easy is to say we love.
Difficult is to show it every day...
Easy is to criticize others.
Difficult is to improve oneself...
Easy is to make mistakes.
Difficult is to learn from them...
Easy is to weep for a lost love.
Difficult is to take care of it so not to lose it.
Easy is to think about improving.
Difficult is to stop thinking it and put it into action...
Easy is to think bad of others
Difficult is to give them the benefit of the doubt...
Easy is to receive
Difficult is to give
Easy to read this
Difficult to follow
Easy is keep the friendship with words
Difficult is to keep it with meanings.
It's a guy thing."
Really means...."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means...."Why isn't it already on the table?"
"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means....Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"It would take too long to explain."
Really means..."I have no idea how it works.
"We're going to be late."
Really means...."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means...."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear."
Really means...."Are you still talking?"
"It's a really good movie."
Really means...."It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women."
"That's women's work."
Really means...."It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
"You know how bad my memory is."
"Really means.... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
Really means.... "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means.... "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means.... "...And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I can't find it."
Really means.... "It didn't fall right into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"What did I do this time?"
Really means.... "What did you catch me at?"
"I heard you."
Really means.... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
"You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means.... "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
"You look terrific."
Really means.... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means.... "No one will ever see us alive again."
"We share the housework."
Really means.... "I make the messes, she cleansthem up!
Read More!
This doesn't mean all women are stupid when it comes to cars....But there always are (a lot of) exceptions!!
Yesterday I was having some work done at the Ford dealer. A woman came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.
We all looked at each other, and the mechanic asked,"What is a seven-hundred-ten?"
She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine.I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there."
The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710 !!
He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"
She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there."
Now go to the photo below to learn what a 710 is.........
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
DADDY! HOW WAS I BORN?" Junior asks his dad,
"Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"
"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on
Upload, we discovered that neither
One of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete
"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message
You've Got Male'!"
|
What a way to summarize the stages of life- without saying a word!
In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday.
Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older.
And there on television, she said it was 'exciting.'
Maya Angelou said this:
'I've learned that no matter what happens or how bad it seems today, life does go on and it will be better tomorrow.'
'I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights.'
'I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.'
'I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life.'
'I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.'
'I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands . You need to be able to throw some things back.'
'I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.'
'I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.'
'I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug or just a friendly pat on the back.'
'I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.'
'I've learned that people will forget what you said; people will forget what you did; but people will never forget how you made them feel.'
Read More!School
A place where Parents pay and children play
Life Insurance
A contract that keeps you poor all your life
so that you can die Rich.
Nurse:
A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters..
Divorce
Future tense of Marriage.
Tears
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Lecture
An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Conference
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece
Dictionary
A place where success comes before work
Conference Room
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on
Father
A banker provided by nature
Criminal
A person no different from the rest
...except that he/she got caught
Boss
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early
Politician
One who shakes your hand before elections and
your Confidence after
DOCTOR
A person who holds your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic
Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience
The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb
An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher
A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise
Posts
All Comments
